About a year ago, I met one of the nastiest women in my life. Within a half hour, I knew she was the epitome of all that I should not be: angry over trifles, greedy, underhanded, and vocally “honest” without charity. At the time, I was thunderstruck by her audacity and annoyed that any attempt to change the topic of her tirade resulted in another, new tirade. She made a tedious task absolutely onerous.
As usual, I thought there was a lesson in the experience.
Thank you, God, I thought, for showing me what I will become if I don’t give up Anger.
And as usual, I missed the lesson.
When I met Mrs. Angry again, I hid my dislike under a civil tone. But I found something to do in another room and, after my volunteer work was done, I didn’t hang around to chat.
However, I met her again last week. I was visiting with a bookstore owner who has been a good friend (and terrible matchmaker). She had to run into the storeroom for a bit. Then Mrs. A came in, complaining about the store hours and the time she wasted coming when the store was closed, etc. The over-the-top complaining triggered my recognition.
She directed her bile my way, since there were no other customers. I wished my friend the shopkeeper a speedy return.
“Ah, poor thing,” I told her. “But you made it this time.”
She was still angry and made a few comments about the shopkeepers inopportune lunch hours.
“Well, you can’t blame her for eating,” I said. “So take a deep breath. It can’t be good for your blood pressure to get upset about it.”
“No, it isn’t,” she said. But she wasn’t done. She remained combative, telling the shopowner to contact that publisher of an out-of-print book. She dismissed a pocket-sized Scripture reader that I recommended. I was taken aback when she said, “This (indicating the book she was purchasing) was written by a Christian, not a Catholic.”
“I was under the impression that Catholics were Christian,” I said.
She was speechless – for less than two seconds, to be sure, but that’s a long time in the lifecycle of a sharp-tongued woman. Then she informed me not only that Catholics were indeed Christians but, through a subtle change in tone, that I was a dunderhead to be more pitied than scorned. It was in that moment I realized that Mrs. A herself was Catholic and considered herself as uptight upright a woman as any.
I found myself asking for Mrs. A’s opinions and commisserating with her about whatever she was complaining about. My friend the shopkeeper was better than I was, as gentle and soft-spoken as ever. By the time of her departure, Mrs. A had smiled a few times and even replied to my “Enjoy your weekend!” in kind.
So what was God’s lesson for me? Only days later, it jumped up from the page I was reading:
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? -Matthew 5:46
It’s natural to avoid disagreeable people. However, I’ve gotten in the habit of avoiding people with whom I disagree philosophically or politically. And when one of my friends made rude criticism of my fellow Christians, I simply decided to delete her e-mails that contain such rubbish and not respond. But lately I’d considered breaking off my relationships with a couple friends because it’s hard to be charitable when tensions arise.
So now, it seems, I have to try again.
