Jul 13 2009
The computerized cad
I suppose it was only a matter of time before technology enabled a better, faster breed of jerk. (After all, CAD was part of its history – ha ha!)
My ex-boyfriend announced his engagement with a mass e-mail. The e-mail read thus:
SUBJECT: Ahem…
…she said YES!!!!
We broke up about a year and a half ago. He insisted we could remain friends. Our contact mainly consisted of e-mails.
He’d send me jokes and chain letters with lots of graphics. Periodically I’d ask about his dad and stepmother, his sister, his work on the night-shift, his studies… that sort of thing. His replies were nice, usually funny. In all that time, he never mentioned a new (or old) girlfriend. I believe the term actually in play was ”too busy for a relationship”.
I used to find out such things naturally in conversation. In fact, after 20 years of dating, I prided myself on a hard-earned skill of sensing “hedging one’s bets.” That occurs when a guy keeps me around in case his current relationship doesn’t work.
But with technology, intuition goes out the window. Granted, my best friends have built long-term relationships with men they met on-line, including a still-strong marriage between Type-A Man and Miss Spontaniety.
But I stopped Internet dating after one too many wacky (even scary) dates. I joked that the only thing worse than a bad blind date was paying for the privilege. Or as one of my friends put it, “If these women and I are compatible, then I need to spend the money on therapy!”
Even if you know someone in real life, technology can distort your view. Your relationship might vary quite a bit between the real world and the cyber-world. After all, there’s an “edit” button. Not to mention the ability to alter photos, exaggerate with impunity, and generally put oneself in the best light.
I thought about this when a college boyfriend “friended” me on Facebook. Like many in our circle of old friends, he’s married with child and working for “the Man”, as he puts it. But there’s a weird undercurrent in his comments. He wants to know how far I live from him. He travels some weekends on business and thinks it might take him into my area. He really wants me to post a current photo.
No. He can continue to look at my icon (an Aztec idol) and stay out of trouble. I wish him well, I like his jokes, but that’s it. Anything else is Lead us not into temptation territory.
As for the engaged “friend”, I e-mailed him back a congratulations. I jokingly asked, “Who is she? And what exactly did she say “yes” to?” But I got no response, not even the usual chain mail.
After a week, I flagged his address as “junk”.
